Best Guns
Top Gun — but the fighter jocks are morons, the enemy is “a dark-coloured plane that looks sinister”, and the Cold War is being run by men too proud to admit they can’t read a radar.
The story
A note-perfect, feature-length send-up of the 1986 original. On the USS Crazyhorse, a bald, furious, perpetually-smoking Captain reacts to a vague radar blip — an enemy defined entirely by vibes — by scrambling the Navy’s most self-assured and least competent aviator. What follows is a shot-for-shot demolition of the top-gun-jock myth: the swagger, the rivalries, the training montages and the flag-waving all played dead straight while the actual content collapses into idiocy. The comedy runs on confidence unearned and intelligence misread, escalating a crisis that exists mostly because no one in the room will admit they don’t know what they’re looking at.
Coverage — plot points
- A “sinister-looking” unidentified jet panics a cigar-chomping Navy command.
- Our ace is scrambled — supremely confident, catastrophically incompetent.
- Machismo, misread intelligence and wounded egos drive an escalation nobody understands.
- The parody structure tracks Top Gun beat-for-beat while inverting every hero moment.
Read the sample
Below is the existing draft — a sample of the final shooting script (101pp shown). Scroll to read, or download the PDF.
Want the full script? The complete screenplay, plus supporting material — treatments, series bible, decks — is available on request.